How This Seemingly Harmless Habit Is Holding You Back From God’s Plan For Your Life (Plus An Introduction To Carina The Laughing Hyena)
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photo by erik mclean on unsplash
Unapologetically herself.
This phrase came to mind while I was thinking of a lovely acquaintance. She’s enthusiastic, genuine, vulnerable, and warm. She’s not afraid to share her unedited thoughts and feelings. She is delightful, refreshing, and unapologetically herself.
Unlike my friend who seems to effortlessly express herself, sometimes I have to work at allowing my true self to come out.
I often come across as quiet, which isn’t bad—it’s an authentic part of who I am. But even though quietness, thoughtfulness, and reflection are true and deep parts of myself—parts I’ve learned to embrace—sometimes I allow my quiet side to overshadow my other sides.
Like my Carina-the-Laughing-Hyena (my 3rd grade nickname) side that laughs loudly, makes silly jokes, and chatters aimlessly. And the friendly, affectionate, exclamation-point-loving, let-me-pray-for-you-and-give-you-a-hug side. When these more exuberant sides start to emerge, I find myself tempted to engage in some heavy-duty self-editing: Don't use the heart emoji too much, I warn myself. Don't tell that crazy but funny story about babysitting a neurotic half-wolf...
Why?
Because I’m afraid. Afraid others won’t like me or what I have to say. That they’ll think I’m dumb, or weird, or awkward, or, the thing I’m most terrified of being: annoying.
Self-editing keeps me safe. It protects me from feelings of vulnerability. It protects me from being annoying. But when I’m self-editing, something is lost: my spontaneity, my sense of ease and relaxation, my authenticity. When I go down the path of self-imposed repression, I end up managing myself rather than being myself.
And that’s a problem because our purpose on one of the most basic levels is to simply be who we are. To express the unique gifts, personality, and passions God has planted in each of our hearts.
God wants us to express who we are #1) because it brings Him joy. And #2) He wants us to express who we are because each of us is an expression of Who He is. You and I are an expression and reflection of God Himself. Only you, by being authentically you, and only I, by being authentically me, can reveal the aspects of God He wants to display through us. And we can’t do that when we’re hiding essential parts of who we are.
So, I’m doing my best to resist the false-security of the self-editor. Thankfully, God has helped me grow in this area. I’ve come a long way from the shy girl who never contributed to class discussions unless called on. Yet I know there is more room for growth. I'm trusting God to help me continue to learn how to share my true self. To be quiet and listen when that is the most authentic expression of who I am, and to speak up and laugh and joke when that is the truest version of me in the moment. I aspire to be like my friend: unapologetically myself.
How about you? Do you find yourself holding back parts of the true you? Have you found any ways to push past the fear of what others might think of your authentic self? I'd love to hear about it in the comments below!
And if you’re thinking, I don’t know how to be myself because I’m still trying to figure out who I am! I want to help you start figuring it out! Check out my new e-course—details below!
With love,
*To clarify, I’m not saying we should never self-edit. Of course it’s a good idea to think before we speak, and we should never indulge the temptation to speak rudely or gossip, etc. That’s not the sort of self-editing I’m talking about in this post. Rather, I’m talking about letting go of the fear of others in order to freely share our God-given selves.
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